


commitment to farce

by atroxareia



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Denial of Feelings, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Oikage Week, Pining, if you thought i would miss a chance to make them bang, oikawa's level of tsundere is so high it broke the machine, think again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 20:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10974927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atroxareia/pseuds/atroxareia
Summary: Oikawa Tooru did not lie. That was to remain as the official party line.





	commitment to farce

**Author's Note:**

> Half of the snippets are obviously based on manga and less obviously, on [7th novel](http://bungoustraighthome.tumblr.com/post/155054106916/haikyuu-light-novel-vii-translations-master) that covers meganekawa related matters. Do yourselves a favour and read that and don't forget to check [2nd seijou novel](https://honyakukanomangen.tumblr.com/post/119501898523/hello-miyagi-at-seijou) which is even more oikage while at it, too.  
> Now that I have done my part spreading the word in the name of the mothership, let me not be any later to the blessed week.
> 
> -  
> Oikage Week Day 1. "I never know how much of what I say is true." – Midler

 

 _I’m_ not _going,_ Oikawa tells himself while he gets out of his bed after a night of tossing and turning.

 _I don’t_ want _to go,_ he mutters as he feels a slight palpitation at the notion of the outcome of the match, picking out an especially pleasant outfit subconsciously.

 _I’ll be pissed no matter who wins,_ he underlines it as he fixes his hair and stares at himself in the mirror with a slight frown. There are dark circles beneath his eyes but contrarily he doesn’t feel an ounce of fatigue. By all means, he should be sleeping like a log right now, pushing both of the teams and the current match out of his mind, only to _maybe_ recall for extensive sessions of lamenting once in a while. He remembers the exhaustion with which he had thrown himself on his bed when he had come home the day before, only to stay up all night rethinking the match. He hadn’t felt that tired even after the previous finals when they’d lost against Shiratorizawa, but the effect of losing to Kageyama, whom he had waited for years to measure himself up against as a proper rival, has surpassed all other defeats he has ever experienced. He feels mentally drained, completely out of his wits, reminding himself of the very words he had said to his kouhai yesterday – _one loss does not define anything_ \- it does _not_ mean Kageyama has caught up to him already, _no,_ he is not being left behind, not this soon.

His mind is a chaotic mash of mistakes of yesterday and he tells himself again that today’s match has nothing to do with him. He should go back to bed and try his luck with sleeping again, he thinks, as he puts on his shoes. He _definitely_ should go back.

However there’s something in him that is too aware that in a few hours Kageyama will be playing against Shiratorizawa.

That something in him tells him to _hurry_ and _leave the house now_ and he does not have enough spite in him anymore to refuse to comply.

 

-

                                                

He strolls the streets, one step forward, two steps back - he still can’t seem to muster up enough courage to go. He imagines running across Kageyama after the match and freezes completely, momentarily decides against going. He has no real excuse to offer even though he knows throwing off someone completely devoid of pretense and second thoughts like Kageyama would hardly require a masterful deceit but he has no energy to put on any sort of facade against him today.

If Karasuno loses to Shiratorizawa, Oikawa has no idea what his own reaction will be. He catches himself trying to picture the frustration in Kageyama’s face, but he has never been much expressive. Oikawa doubts anything can draw out a reaction of despair from him but there is still something so bitter about the possibility of Karasuno losing the game, which is more than likely. It makes him want to return back home and slip under the sheets.

But a moment later, he pictures Shiratorizawa losing, thinks of missing how Kageyama will fare against Ushijima, wonders how long he’ll last under the pressure of five whole sets, how he’ll behave towards other rival setters and if he’ll smile when he’s victorious - then he moves forward again.

 

-

 

He ends up in a store, looking around without seeing anything, mind completely occupied. Time is running out. He’s secretly hoping to _accidentally_ miss the game but it is not humanly possible to be less unaware of the current time than he is at the moment.

“You can’t run away from him forever,” he hears a girl speak behind him. “You shouldn’t put off confessing anymore.”

He turns and looks at them before he realizes what he’s doing.  Two girls around his age are talking as they’re trying out scarves, without noticing his stare.

“Shouldn’t I wait till Christmas? At least I’d have an excuse to give him a gift,” the other girl replies, looking dejected.

 _Christmas, huh,_ Oikawa thinks, remembering Kageyama’s birthday is close to it. He wonders if he gets two batches of presents or people evade it with just one set. His kouhai probably wouldn’t even pay it any mind, Oikawa thinks, _how gullible._

“If you wait that much, I can tell just by looking at you that you’ll postpone it until Valentine’s Day!”

Oikawa jolts at the remark, suddenly realizing he is going to be halfway through his first year at the university at that date.

“You’re right, but,” the other girl answers shyly, “if he rejects me..”

“Then find another guy.”

“No way!”

“I’m kidding,” the other laughs, patting her friend on the shoulder. “You can confess again at Christmas.”

“No! He’ll hate me if I’m too persistent! I’ve only one shot!”

Oikawa thinks of his own loss, how his one chance to defeat Kageyama is gone now.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” the girl rolls her eyes, “Talking as if one of you guys are dead.”

 _It's true,_  he thinks,  _there is no reason for this to be the end._ It doesn’t have to be _now,_ it doesn’t have to be _in this setting,_ one day, he’ll play against him again and prove himself better. He just needs to _wait_ – he already has waited so long for Kageyama to start high school, he can wait again, he will definitely get better than him, he’ll crush the enthusiasm in those all too big eyes, _just you wait, Tobio-_

“Thank you!” He turns to the girls who had let go of the previous topic in favor of trying on new hats. They stare at him in confusion.

“Err, these _\- glasses,_ ” Oikawa grabs one of the items closest to him, “I thought you were.. shop assistants, since, um, you’re so cute,” he babbles, his mind refusing to provide him with something less nonsensical. Girls smile awkwardly and distance themselves from him. Dejected, Oikawa pays for the glasses and puts them on in complete embarrassment, hoping to hide behind them even partially. Between the humiliation and the mess that is his sleep deprived mind, he doesn’t think about why that talk has helped him decide.

 

-

 

He’s excited – there’s no point in hiding it, he’s hugging his knees and leaning forward as far as he can, completely immersed in the game, feeling self-deprecating from time to time for not picking a seat that is closer to the court. He had been affected by some ridiculous paranoia that Kageyama’s eyesight would prove to be inhuman as well as the rest of him and he would end up spotting him during some creepy-zone-moment during a jump serve or something because honestly that is the sort of thing he expects from the blatantly half-monster kouhai of his. There can be no other explanation for what he is witnessing and he is sticking to his theory. He buries his head into his knees even more and bites his lip, eyes following the trajectory of the ball, his own eyesight immaculate as ever.

 

-

 

When he’d worried about being found out, he hadn’t considered that it would be by his childhood friend. It truly is a day of regrets.

Especially when he is this transparent, even for someone who is merely an acquaintance, with his fake glasses and hugging of knees like some overexcited kid, let alone for Iwaizumi, who can read him like a particularly angst-ridden book. He settles next to him with a lopsided smile that speaks louder than anything he can vocalize while Oikawa huffs and adopts a defensive stance, crossing his legs, folding his arms, leaning back as opposed to his former position. He instinctively turns his face away, hiding his expression.

“Hmph. I hope they both lose.”

“ _Right,_ ” Iwaizumi mutters and Oikawa pretends he doesn’t hear the mocking in his tone. His friend glances at him from the corner of his eye, wondering if he should be concerned instead.

“Look at him,” Oikawa says a bit later with an anxious grin, unable to tear his gaze away from Kageyama. “So transparent. I can read all his movements.”

 _Can you, really,_ Iwaizumi thinks but refrains from saying it out loud. It’s been long obvious to him that Oikawa fails to see a lot of things about Kageyama where it counts.

The game is intense, he himself barely manages to tear his gaze away from the court even though he isn’t nearly as invested in it as Oikawa and beside him his friend obviously is having a hard time suppressing his excitement, leg twitching and body ready to move. Especially when it’s a specific someone’s turn to handle the ball.  

It is a timeout when Oikawa finally relaxes against his seat. Realizing he’s had his mouth open in excitement while he’s watching the game, he shuts it and promptly frowns, clears his throat awkwardly. Iwaizumi is beyond amused, vaguely reminded of the times they had watched Kageyama play back then but _this_ Oikawa seems much less adverse and more honest, almost incomparably so.

He takes off his glasses to wipe them somewhat ungracefully.

“What is with this get-up? Why are you even wearing glasses?” Iwaizumi can’t help himself now. “Is this meant to be some sort of disguise? Or do you need them to see someone better?” 

“What does _that_ supposed to mean?” Oikawa almost yelps, his voice sounding shrill even to his own ears.

“Nothing.”

The obvious mocking in his friend’s tone pisses him off.

“It’s fashion, Iwa-chan,” he offers rather snobbishly. “Not that you’d understand.”

“If you say so.”

He pointedly stares at the opposite side of the court when the match starts, unconsciously trying to disprove his friend but reverts back to staring at _him_ immediately when he almost misses an important move, reflexively leaning forward in his seat when the ball is passed to his kouhai.

 

-

 

“Sure you don’t wanna hang around and congratulate Kageyama?”

Oikawa looks at him as if he’s betrayed everything he holds dear. Iwaizumi puts his hands up in mock surrender. They walk back home together in silence that feels somewhat uplifting.

“You’re surprisingly mild,” Iwaizumi finally says what’s been on his mind the whole time. “I thought you’d be more bitter.”

Oikawa pauses.

“I’m never bitter, Iwa-chan, _indignant_ perhaps but-“

 _“Oikawa.”_   Iwaizumi never tolerates the act Oikawa puts on with others – he knows it too well and at this point Oikawa even daring to think something like _that_ would work on him is frankly insulting.

“Things aren’t over,” Oikawa speaks with a serious and honest tone now. “I’ll improve myself in the next two years to a point even _he_ won’t be able to catch up with me,” he says, face alight with hopeful reverie.

“Two years of waiting again, huh,” Iwaizumi laughs softly.

Oikawa frowns a bit at his wording but doesn’t argue – after all, he _had_ waited for Kageyama to graduate from middle school for exactly two years. He isn’t even sure why the wording ignites such an instinct to deny.

 

-

 

Their little group has been cheerful, dreaming about their vacation plans after the entrance exams but the talk inevitably turns to the somewhat dramatic topic of graduation and Iwaizumi makes a mistake in the hope of lightening the mood.

“Maybe Kageyama will come too.”

Having internalized Oikawa’s ‘deal’ with Kageyama too much, he has a low-functioning filter about the elephant in the room.

“What the hell,” expected yelp comes from his friend, “why would he come to our graduation?”

“I…” Iwaizumi looks at Matsukawa and Hanamaki, silently asking for help but both of them gesture at him that he’s on his own.

“I thought.. you might.. want that?” Iwaizumi finishes, giving up on salvaging the situation.

“Why the hell would I want that, Iwa-chan.”

“Look, don’t get upset just before the exams, we’ll talk about it later-“

“There’s nothing to talk about!” The shrill edge is in his voice again. Iwaizumi doesn’t reply and Oikawa sulks, starts to stab the rest of his food before he half-heartedly eats them, barely even chewing before he swallows.

Thankfully the break is almost over and the awkward silence Hanamaki and Matsukawa do essentially nothing to alleviate does not last long.

 

-

 

He has two more exams left that day and he cannot possibly be more distracted than this.  

Distraction is the thing he needs the least right now – especially when the subject matter involves his mind very helpfully providing images of Kageyama standing awkwardly, watching his graduation, holding something that may or may not be flowers (they aren’t flowers, he tells himself, _definitely_ not)

 

-

 

“If I fail, I’m telling my mom it's your fault,” Oikawa hisses at his friend after performing horribly in the last two exams of the day. His mind apparently has decided it is more urgent to prove that _no,_ he does  _not_  want Kageyama to come to his graduation.

“Or maybe you finally have something to blame Kageyama for,” Iwaizumi says, unable to contain his laughter.

Oikawa doesn’t even argue.

 

-

 

When his mind, without his consent, has laid out various scenarios about Kageyama coming to his graduation, _none of which involves flowers thank you very much,_ he had never considered he _actually_ would show up. He has to be honest now, he’s been quite preoccupied with the thought but he supposes it has to do with how utterly crazy it is rather than a genuine desire to see him but it does not change the fact that after that incident with Iwaizumi, it has become an impossibility for him to picture his graduation without the awkward presence of Kageyama looming around in the back for whatever reason.

Hence, when he sees him doing exactly that, what he feels is so suspiciously close to exhilaration, he almost kicks himself in horror. He has dreamt about this scene so many times now it feels just _right_ that he is there.

However, there seems to be one glaringly orange problem.

“Why is he here with that shrimp,” Oikawa hisses lowly more to himself before he can help it while they wait in line to be called to the stage.

“Who cares,” his friend whispers back.

“ _I_ do – he’s just- why would _he_ be there, look at him hopping around Tobio - ugh - what the hell,” he scrunches up his face.

“Wow, jealous much?”

“What the hell, Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi sighs as the principal continues his speech.

“He probably wanted to come along since they’re friends or something.”

 _Friends? Were they?_ Oikawa can’t tell. What he knows is that he does _not_ need that extra pair of eyes when he doesn’t even know how to handle Kageyama alone anymore. Especially when he can’t tell what’s his relation to him.

He is somewhat relieved when he sees Kageyama push against his supposed 'friend's face in obvious irritation, driving him away with an expression best described as cold.

 

-

 

“Oikawa-san,” Kageyama addresses him with a determined tone and a serious face, as if calling him by his name and honorific makes a grave declaration by itself. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you, Tobio,” Oikawa replies, trying to keep his face neutral. It’s become increasingly hard to keep his cool around him. “I didn’t think you’d come, how random,” he adds for the good measure, his voice not nearly as dismissive as he would wish it to be.

Iwaizumi next to him clears his throat and speaks with a tone too amused for Oikawa’s liking.

“We’re glad you’re here, Kageyama,” he says, earning an offended glare from his friend. “Your Oikawa-senpai here is especially happy.”

“Oh.” Kageyama turns his gaze at Oikawa with a hint of red on his too adorable face and Oikawa, who had been about to protest with all his might forgets what he's wanted to deny.

 

-

 

It’s not that he asks him out.

He just _invites_ him out. And there is a _big_ difference.

It’s the summer he graduates and suddenly Kageyama is everywhere – if he somehow manages to get rid of his image in his mind, actual Kageyama materializes somewhere in his vicinity. It’s during one of those instances he ends up asking him out – not _out_ out, just acquaintances having an outing. He supposes Kageyama thinks similarly as well, since he accepts it almost reflexively without a moment of consideration.

 _This doesn’t mean anything,_ he tells himself as he gets ready to meet him, picking out an especially flattering outfit.

 

-

 

Spending time with him is surprisingly pleasant and a lot less awkward than he had anticipated. He notices that even silence between them isn’t disturbing to him, he doesn’t feel the need to fill it with constant chatter. Kageyama’s insusceptible nature has been a source of worry for him before, thinking it would render them incompatible in many ways but it turns out to have a calming effect on him.

It is a peculiar feeling.

 

-

 

 _This doesn’t mean anything,_ he says to himself again as he invites Kageyama inside after their may-or-may-not-have-been-a-date.

 _I didn’t really mean it this way,_ he tries to reason when Kageyama pushes him against the wall the moment Oikawa closes the door, no sense of propriety in sight.

 _I really didn’t think he would take it this way_ , he continues, breathless as Kageyama buries his face in his neck and actually dares to bite. Oikawa’s arms are around him before he even notices his own movement.

 _I just thought we could watch something and talk,_ he defends himself to himself when he feels Kageyama's hands fumbling with his belt.

 _Just this once,_ he decides, _I’ll let you do what you want,_ and turns Kageyama’s face to press his lips against his.

 

-

 

“I've never thought about you like this before,” he declares with surprising bravado for someone who is naked under the sheets, voice still hoarse in the afterglow.

“Hm,” Kageyama mutters next to him, eyes closed, possibly about to doze off.

There is a moment of silence that stretches to infinity as if solely to unnerve Oikawa.

“Have  _you?”_ He asks, frustrated.

“Yes, I have.”

Oikawa waits for him to elaborate anxiously only to realize Kageyama doesn’t seem to have any intention to do so. He resists the urge to shake the truth out of him.

“Since when?”

“Middle school,” Kageyama admits without hesitation.

“Oh.” Relief floods him to an extent that should be terrifying and Oikawa pauses for a moment to let the feeling sink in.

“ _Nasty,_ Tobio-chan, thinking of doing such things to your senpai,” he pokes Kageyama’s shoulder, smiling good naturedly while Kageyama grumbles something under his breath but his honesty is heavy, how he doesn’t even process the notion of putting up a farce like Oikawa had been doing for so long. He looks at his face again, watching the previous and admittedly cute frown slowly disappear and suddenly he’s surprised at himself that he’s been trying so hard to keep his facade intact and prove himself, as if Kageyama would ever think less of him.

“Hey.” Oikawa pokes his shoulder again. Kageyama opens one eye this time, questioning.

“I was lying.”

“About what?”

“Not thinking about this before.”                            

“Oh.” Both his eyes are open now, face adorned with an expression Oikawa can’t decipher even with the amount of practice he’s had, with how much he’s stared at that face which has both frustrated him to the end of his wits and exhilarated him even more so.

“I have, too. Thought about you. From the beginning.”

“Oh,” Kageyama responds, infuriatingly enough, and blinks once as if that’s his way of processing new information. “It’s alright,” is what comes out after a moment of pause as an expression that is closest to a smile Oikawa has ever seen him make takes over his face.

They will have to work on showing positive feelings, Oikawa muses, unable to suppress his own smile, but it _is_ alright. They have time.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Things in this story that are actually canon:  
> 1\. Oikawa tossing and turning the night after the match, then loitering around indecisively and extremely angstily in the morning  
> 2\. Deciding to go to the match upon hearing girls talk about 'not putting off confessing' ?! then acting like a doof, accidentally buying the glasses as a cover up bc that's just how unsmooth he is (btw if you think that bit was unrealistically shippy, give the novel a try lol)  
> 3\. Oikawa talking about crushing the enthusiasm in kageyama's "all too big eyes" lmao wtf  
> 4\. Watching game intensely, hugging his knees and all then putting on a snarky facade once Iwaizumi is there  
> 5\. Wanting Kageyama to win the game (obvious in manga too but it's underlined in 7th novel also)  
> im keeping my fingers crossed for all the sex


End file.
